Those who see the suffering at their most intimate moments, often forget about the emotional vulnerability of the patient at the time of their visit in their rush to finish the day’s work. A tender smile, a knowing glance, and a gentle touch go a long way to alleviate the enormous weight each patient carries. Though we may not be able to change the outcome of the physical condition, everyone has the ability to take some of the burden another carries.

Story 1 – A beautiful soul

I saw a beautiful girl, a 14 year old girl with metastatic osteosarcoma (cancer of the bone), who had been palliated recently. Though its a busy clinic, I try to spend more time with our palliative patients as they often have a lot of hidden worries and take time to discuss what they are really feeling. As she walked in with 3 legs (2 crutches and 1 intact leg), my heart was overwhelmed with grief as she narrated the story of her recent relapse. In the 15 minutes I got to spend with her and her mother, she cried, her mother cried and I cried inside.  Frustration often causes physicians to become thick skinned, as we want to help but we are limited in what we can do. A knowing silence, a gentle touch and tears were the only medicine I could offer her. I will never forget the bandana she wore to cover her head, the tear brimmed eyes, and the acceptance of something no child should have to bear.

Story 2 – A Mistake

In my rush to finish clinic and get out, I was rapidly seeing patients and issuing commands like I was an army commander and the parents were my soldiers.

(In Hindi)

“Get this medicine”

“Please listen to me instead of talking”

“SISTER (nurse) check this patients vitals”

As this was going on new patient’s family member came  in next. In my haste and without looking at him, I uttered “******  has metastatic disease and his chance of cure is very low” After a small period of silence, I looked up and saw tears welling in his eyes. Though its common to discuss in this way, I realized that this family member was too young to be the father. “Where is your father?” I asked impatiently. As he explained that their father had died when they were young,  his mother was at home with her infant, and this 15 year old boy was the only care-taker for ******,  a mental frame-shift took place and I realized what a grave mistake I had made for this boy. What a mental burden to place on a boy. The look on his face, when all hope is lost, is something I hope to never do again in the future.