“We think of marriage as a choice. Whether we want to get married or not. Many have expectations of what they want from their partner, whereas some do not have that luxury, as the prospect of actually getting married is difficult to conceive.” Today are 2 stories of such dilemmas.

Story 1: Obstacles only make me stronger.
A 32 year old lady with a history of a brain tumor came to my clinic today. She was treated successfully and has been cancer free for almost 20 years. As part of the long term survivor clinic follow-up, we often ask about their education, job, and marital status. She was happy to inform me that she had successfully completed a Bachelors degree in communication, and was working in a government post. When asked regarding marriage, she replied she was not married. To give better context to the next sentences, I must confess that I often don’t make eye contact with patients while I am filling out forms (This is why I HATE forms as I miss more important things than demographic info). My next question “Do you want to get married?” was met with silence and after a while I looked up and saw tears glistening in her eyes.

“Because of my cancer diagnosis, it is difficult to get married. No one will marry me.”

In front of me is a beautiful 32 year old women, with no major signs of cancer treatment that anyone can make out, just a small forehead scar. How bigoted a society are we? We all think that because we are cancer free means that we are not damaged in some way.

“Who would’t marry you, you are so beautiful” I replied (Being from a different culture, this is not considered flirting with someone but a genuine compliment). She smiled replying “Its not an issue, as I have found more purpose in life through my work and taking care of my family.”

What a deep statement. Here I am, a single person who sometimes worries about companionship as I get older and here is my contemporary who has channeled that worry into something more productive. We are always told to live in the moment, and here was someone actually living this ideal.

(Source: patient’s sister)
Story 2:
At 8 years of age, ________ was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor which is very difficult to treat. Though she initially received surgery and radiation, the tumor started coming back every few years requiring multiple interventions including redo surgeries and local radiation therapy. As it was a slow growing tumor, she often went through a couple years before requiring treatment, but as you can imagine, each visit was a source of trepidation and anxiety for her parents and family. At the age of 24, she expressed a desire to get married. Her family, a very quiet yet resilient bunch, started the process of looking for a partner for her. In Indian society, a past history of cancer is a major hurdle in the journey to find a suitable partner in life. Oftentimes, as was in this case, society in its all mighty righteousness, decreed that this was not only morally wrong but a great injustice to the family of the groom, and that they should not pursue this course. However, being the stalwart family that they are, they persevered and ended up with a man who looked beyond the social stigma associated with this diagnosis and found a beautiful woman with whom he wanted to spend his life with.

Though India is still yet to come to grips with the reality that pediatric cancer survivors are growing and that they also are human beings with emotions, I am optimistic that like in the West, this attitude will change for the better.